Instructions: First, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl.

Check whiskey again to make sure it hasnt lost any of its high quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another fup.

Turn off the mixer. Break two legs, add to the bowl, and chuck in the dried fruit.

Mix on the turner.

If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for toreicieticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something. Who cares. Check the wiskey.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar or something; whatever you can find. Grease the oven.

Turn the cake to 300 degrees. Dont forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruit cake anyway??

If you would like to email yourself the recipe for later use, or share the recipe with your friends or family, enter the email addresses below and this recipe will be emailed to you and others as well.