Instructions: Measure 3 cups flour into large bowl; answer telephone. Take large bowl off small childs head; sweep up flour. Measure 3 cups flour into large bowl.

Measure 1/4 cup shortening; answer doorbell. Wash shortening from childs hands and face. Add 1/4 cup shortening to flour. Mix well; rock crying baby for 10 minutes. Answer telephone. Put older child in tub and scrub well.

Scrape flour and shortening mixture from floor, adding enough tears to relieve tension. Open 1 can of beans and serve with remaining strength.

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