Instructions: One of the Meades (the couple not the drink) suggested using childrens pinwheels as a scarecrow to keep the birds away from my plants and patio.

So far it has worked well, its inexpensive, effective, humane, and fun - just the type of solution I would expect from a chile head. As usual, Im including a recipe in payment, this time for a vodka martini (believe me its not as simple as you think).

This recipe for a vodka martini requires about 6 months to make, but its well worth it. Youll need to make a batch of pickled spiced olives and/or onions, Ive included a recipe for such at the end. Please take care not to infect your loved ones with deadly nerve toxins by using improperly pickled olives. Keep your vodka in the freezer. I use Absolut, but any brand not made in Pennsylvania should do. Take a single hot olive or onion from the jar and place it in the bottom of the glass with a toothpick. Add exactly two ice cubes to the glass. Pour chilled vodka over until it just covers the cubes. Serve with a fair warning. (please dont point out to me that a martini should not contain ice but should include vermouth. Im a trained professional, I know what Im doing.) Those of you drinking with a member of the opposite sex can use the amount of hot olive eaten as an indicator of how enjoyable the rest of your evening will be. This is also a good reason to prefer olives to onions.

Im hesitant to publish a recipe for pickling because it can kill you if done improperly, and there are a number of factors involved in doing it right. I urge all of you who are considering this to buy a copy of "Putting Food By". It is an excellent book covering all varieties of safe home food storage (canning, smoking, pickling, etc.). This is a recipe that I use, but Im aware of what Im doing.

The habs are my favorite because they make the olives HOT. Usually I wont mix varieties because its easier to control the heat level. large mason jar with new lid (never re-use the lids for anything)

I use a hot water bath. If you have a pressure canner, obviously use it. I live at sea level and will still add weight to the lid for safety.

Bring the giant pot of water to a rapid boil (with cover on). Stem the peppers and cut two slits into the sides (to allow the vinegar to mix with the innards - more heat). Add the ingredients to the mason jar (use your judgment on quantity), until its full within an inch of the top. Heat a mixture of 3-1 vinegar-water in a pan until its just about to boil. DO NOT let the vinegar boil - it will boil off much faster than water and you will lose your acidity. Pour the hot vinegar over the stuff in the mason jar, and then seal the jar. If you like, you can pour a little olive oil on top which will coat the olives when theyre removed. Place the sealed jars into the boiling water bath (carefully - youll likely want to invest in some canning tongs). Cover and continue to boil the jar(s). Boil for about 15 minutes. This is actually a bit tricky. If you boil them too long, the peppers will become mushy, too short and you risk not obtaining a good seal. Remove the jars from the bath, and let set on the counter top. The seals should "pop" within 10-15 minutes. Store the jars in a dark room temperature cupboard for 4-6 months. Check them periodically (read: admire your handiwork). If they become cloudy or discolored dispose of the jar.

When youre ready, move a jar to the fridge. After I open them I check the acidity with litmus paper (I like my life so I double check that I havent created a breeding ground for botulism). After youre done youll have olives, onions, garlic, and peppers that I can only describe as psycho-active.

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