Recipe for Solutions for Cooking Emergencies

Instructions: ON BUSIEST COOKING DAY BLOOPERS ARE INEVITABLE. THANKFULLY, THERES HELP.

BY CAROLYN JUNG

Thanksgiving - probably the biggest cooking day of the year, and its bound to happen.

A boo-boo of some sort.

The turkey still frozen like concrete. The spot you just noticed on your favorite tablecloth. The cousin who decides to bring along six friends at the last minute. The cork that breaks inside that special bottle of Bordeaux.

Thats why weve put together this handy-dandy emergency first-aid kit for the things that shouldnt go wrong but sometimes do.

With super-sized stress, sky-high expectations and hungry mouths eager to be stuffed with stuffing and so much more, dont beat yourself up if some culinary aches and pains appear.

Remember: Whatever Thanksgiving serves up, just salve it with a smile.

Cooking calamities

Q Darn, I forgot to buy buttermilk. Can I just log on and get Webvan to deliver some?

A You wish! Unfortunately, Webvan will not be making any deliveries in the Bay Area on Thanksgiving Day. (Hey, everyone deserves a day off.) So, either brave the few stores that may be open or try a substitute. Here are some from

No buttermilk? Use plain yogurt or thinned sour cream or creme fraiche instead. Or add 1 tablespoon lemon juice or white vinegar to 1 cup milk and let stand 5 minutes.

No dry bread crumbs? Just get some bread, tear it up into small chunks, saute

In a skillet with a little butter until browned.

No cornstarch? For every 1 tablespoon of cornstarch, use 1 tablespoon arrowroot or 1 tablespoon potato flour or potato starch or 2 1/2 tablespoons flour.

No eggs? If its for baking, substitute 1/4 cup applesauce for 1 egg.

No cake flour? For 1 cup of cake flour, sift together 7/8 cup all-purpose flour and 2 tablespoons cornstarch.

No sweet potatoes for a casserole, soup or gratin-type dish? Use butternut squash or pumpkin.

No confectioners sugar? For every 1 cup confectioners sugar, use 7/8 cup granulated sugar and 1 tablespoon cornstarch and whirl in blender for a few seconds.

No granulated sugar? For every 1 cup needed, use 3/4 cup confectioners sugar or 3/4 cup honey.

No parchment paper? Use brown paper or waxed paper (not over high heat), or just grease and flour the pan.

No kitchen twine to truss the turkey? Use unwaxed, unflavored dental floss.

Q Ive had my turkey defrosting in the refrigerator for days, and it still feels like a bowling ball. What do I do?

A Defrosting a frozen turkey in the refrigerator takes about 24 hours for every 5 pounds. If you wake up Thanksgiving Day and its still rock-solid, take it out immediately, plunge it in a pot or clean bucket large enough to hold it and cover it with cold water; keep the water cold by changing it frequently. It should take 30 minutes per pound to defrost this way. Alternatively, if the turkey is small and your microwave large, try hitting the defrost button.

Whatever you do, dont start roasting it in the oven if its still frozen. It will cook unevenly and turn into a big dry mess. If all else fails, light some more candles, eat at midnight and tell your guests youre starting a new dining tradition.

Q I only turned away from the stove for a second, but now my (broccoli, cauliflower, peas, sweet potatoes, parsnips, insert vegetable here) has turned to mush. What can I do?

A Thank goodness for cheese and cream. When youre floating in a sea of mush, theyre the greatest lifesavers. You can put said squishy veg in a casserole dish, spoon on tomato sauce or a cream sauce, then top with grated cheese and bake. Serve as a fancy gratin.

Or puree the vegetable with some chopped herbs, stir in a little butter and heavy cream, season with salt and pepper and serve as a trendy side dish puree worthy of a four-star restaurant.

Or add the overcooked veggie to a pot with chicken or vegetable stock, some sauteed onions or garlic, and salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, then cool a bit and puree. Return to pot to reheat, and stir in a little cream or butter, if you like. Serve as an elegant soup.

Q I went overboard with the salt shaker while making soup (or gravy). Is there any way to salvage it?

A If you have a potato, peel it and throw it into the oversalted soup or gravy. Let it simmer for a while, then remove the potato and discard. The potato should have absorbed some of the salt. If the soup is still too salty, try adding some mushrooms or tomatoes or a little milk or cream to neutralize the flavor. Or try squirting in a little lemon juice or adding a pinch of sugar to balance.

Q Whats the secret to gravy?

A Ill let Robert L. Wolke answer that one because he does it so well. Wolke is professor emeritus of chemistry at the University of Pittsburgh and author of

Wolke says: When your turkey is done, you have two kinds of liquids in the pan: an oily liquid (the melted fat) and a watery liquid (the meat and vegetable juices). You want to incorporate both of these liquids into your gravy. The trick is to get them to mix into a smooth, homogeneous mixture - no lumps, no puddles of grease.

Flour contains certain proteins that form a sticky substance - gluten - when they get wet. If you just dump some flour into the pan, these proteins will get together with the water to form a glutinous goop that the oil cant penetrate. Youll then wind up with little lumps of dough swimming in pools of grease. Most experts agree, however, that gravy should not be the chewiest part of the meal.

Make sure to mix the flour first with some of the fat, which you have previously separated from the watery juices. That way, the individual, microscopic particles of flour become coated with oil, which the watery juices cant penetrate to gum things up. Result? Later, when you add the juices, supplemented as necessary with broth or other watery liquids, these individual, oil-coated flour particles become widely scattered. And thats just what you want, because the thickening agent and the fat it carries are uniformly dispersed throughout the watery juices, giving you a smooth, uniformly thickened consistency.

You must keep the amounts of flour and fat just about equal. Use one part flour and one part fat to every eight parts of liquid juices and/or stock. Mix the flour with the fat, cook it a bit to brown it, slowly stir in the watery liquids, and simmer to let the flour do its thickening job.

Q OK, I got that. But still, my gravy didnt turn out. What do I do?

A Here are some tips from Cook It Right by Anne Willan (Readers Digest, $29.95):
Gravy too thin? Simmer it until reduced; or thicken with a little arrowroot or cornstarch thats been dissolved in cold water, then whisked into the boiling sauce.

Too thick? Thin with water or stock.

Lumpy? Put it through a fine strainer.

No taste? Use salt and pepper, soy sauce, more pan drippings, chicken stock, or port, Madeira or bourbon.

Looks muddy, not glossy? Add cold stock or water, simmer, then skim often.

Unthickened gravy or jus didnt emulsify? Skim off almost all the fat, then add more stock, boil hard to emulsify. If the fat is still separating, take it off the heat, whisk in 1 tablespoon heavy cream or cold butter for every 1 cup gravy.

Q Help, my cousin just showed up with six extra people!

A Dont panic. Its Thanksgiving. Its almost a given that whatever is prepared is already prepared in abundance. Thats why were able to enjoy leftovers the next day and the next and the next. So, you probably have more food than you think. Plus, its always good to keep on hand extra cans of chicken broth, frozen veggies, frozen rolls, tins of pate, boxes of crackers, jars of tapenade, tubs of ice cream and fancy packaged cookies.

If you really dont think you prepared enough, dont be shy about whipping up something not necessarily on the usual Thanksgiving menu but thats easily made, such as spaghetti or macaroni and cheese. It might not be traditional, but if it tastes good, nobodys going to turn it down. After all, Thanksgiving is all about piling your plate with this and that. Heck, one year, I had chow mein as a side dish to the turkey. And it was swell.

Q I dropped the pie. I burned the pie. I give up.

A Thats why you should always have those packaged cookies and tubs of ice cream around.

If its an apple pie, scrape out the filling from the burned crust, put it into a baking dish, whip up some streusel topping with bits of butter, brown sugar, oats, flour or even some granola, and bake. Serve this warm fruit crisp with ice cream.

If its a pumpkin pie or cheesecake thats slipped off the counter, scrape up as much of the filling as you can that hasnt touched the floor. Layer it in parfait or wine glasses with whipped cream, and top with toasted nuts, crystallized ginger, or crushed amaretti cookies or gingersnaps. Julia Child would be proud.

Q I cant believe it! I just jammed the garbage disposal.

A This actually happened to me when I was cooking an intimate holiday dinner for four. Luckily for me, I live in one of those huge, rent-gouging Silicon Valley apartment complexes, where maintenance crews are at your beck and call. A maintenance guy came over in a flash, and unclogged the disposal - after giving me a stern lecture. Fortunately, he softened a bit after I gave him a bowl of ginger-orange-carrot soup made from the produce whose peels he had just cleared from my drain.

If youre not fortunate enough to have a soup-loving maintenance man in your midst, check out In the Kitchen with Heloise (Perigee, $22.95) by (duh)

Heloise. She says to press the restart button. And you might have to repeat the process a couple of times. Just be careful not to put your face directly over the opening when turning on the machine since objects might fly out. If the restart button doesnt work, first turn off the machine. Then place a broom handle or very sturdy stick into the disposal and turn it counterclockwise to try to unjam the motor. Pull the stick out, run water, then turn on the machine. and if your dishwasher drains through your disposal, try running the disposal for a few seconds while the dishwasher is pumping hot, soapy water through it.

Wine gulps

Q Ack! I broke the cork while trying to open the wine. What do I do?

A Dont fret. If youre handy with a waiters corkscrew, you can usually remove even a broken cork, says Mercury News wine columnist Laurie Daniel. Ease the screw into whats left of the cork and carefully remove it using the lever action of the corkscrew. If that doesnt work, you can always poke the cork into the bottle. Just warn your guests, though, that they may find bits of cork floating in the wine.

Q Blehhhhh, I just opened a bottle of wine and it tastes horrible. Now what?

A Foil bad tasting or spoiled wine by always having a backup bottle on hand, Daniel advises. (In fact, its also a good idea to pour yourself a tiny taste of each bottle you open, to make sure the wine is OK to serve.)

Table tantrums

Q My cousin from Los Angeles brought a supermodel to dinner, and she got lipstick all over my linen napkins. Argh!

A Supermodels - what are you going to do with them? Tsk, tsk. Heloise says nothing about supermodels, but she does advise to first test a hidden area of the fabric for color fastness. Immediately place stain facedown on top of absorbent paper towels and saturate stain with rubbing alcohol. Dab at the area with a cloth dipped in rubbing alcohol. You might also try a prewash spray.

Rinse and launder as usual. Then use a commercial spot remover or dry cleaning fluid if necessary.

Q Help! Why do I always end up with red wine spilled on my tablecloth?

A Its like when you wear a freshly laundered white shirt. You just know at some point youll end up with something splattered on it. For wine stains, Heloise advises to rinse in cool water first. Or try the old standby - club soda. If the fabric is bleach safe, wash fabric with bleach according to label directions. Also on bleach-safe fabrics, make a paste of powdered dishwasher detergent with a little water and scrub with an old toothbrush. After treating the spot, wash in the hottest water possible for the fabric. For 100 percent cotton, permanent press or cotton blends, sponge with undiluted white vinegar within 24 hours, then launder or dry-clean.

If the spot refuses to vanish, just stick a pretty vase of flowers over it next Thanksgiving.